feeling like Rojak

mixed feelings right now..urrgh i hate this part

feeling Happy :)

ok this is my big brother Kent..this was when i was 6,he was 10. NOW he's grown to be much more handsome and has only one chin. But hey..chubby was cute..still is. Anyway he's back from college and yeah i admit..can't believe i'm saying this though..i'm actually happy he's back. CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS EITHER....i regret saying all those mean stuff bout my brother when we were younger..and like yeah i know that when he comes back..there are times..lots of times actually where our family would start like arguing and all..its complicated..and like yeah ok i'm prepared for that and i'd usually hate it when he's back but now it's like it's different..i guess i miss my big brother. heh..didn't think i'd be saying that either..especially not when i was 10 and wishing everyday he would be shipped to college faster. I think cuz we've grown up and become more matured in a sense where we know we're all we've got and friends,boyfriends,girlfriends,husbands,wives will never have that same bond we have. like..besides my dad..he's the only dude i've known the longest so that makes it special i guess. SERIOUSLY...no idea i would be saying this. lol. And like now i look forward to seeing my brother..which is..yeah i would say a good thing. 

p/s how adorable were we when we had babyfat ^^

feeling worried =/

so many things running through my mind right now. drama audition results..mid terms..college..fitness....

uhm ok i'm not so hooked on the drama results..maybe not yet..since i'm at home..im pretty sure i'd be a total psychopath in school. 

MID TERMS...my gosh..everytime when exams come up my mind immediately goes to college and scholarships..i hate how 'chiong hei' i can be sometimes..urghh...ok i think i'm just making up excuses..i really need to get my game face back on again and actually follow a time table. i sound like such a dork -.-

 fitness..ok...i want to like eat cheesecakes..oreos...nachos and all that non veggie stuff and actually not gain weight (: please tell me that's not impossible. i so don't have time to exercise like how i use to anymore..UBER DISLIKE. i wanna sweat again...need to get back my stamina before starting parkour..or else i'd just be digging my own grave. I can't die this young..i have yet to make use of my ovaries  i have so much more ahead of me! 

feeling like ROJAK.

Drama Auditions

ok so today we had the auditions..i've been looking forward to this since school restarted..and gawd...finally today was THE day. It was held during our last period..around 1.10pm till 230pm. We were given a script earlier and there was 2 scenarios..we had to act out either one.
Me and Megan(another megan, indian beb) acted out script one where it was about this dude being a real dick stealing the throne from the princess (MUAHH xD) He poisoned her father and took over the kingdom. so MUAH..the once not so innocent..apparently revengeful badass yet gedik in midieval times princess..stabs Tun Sura something2 as revenge for her father's death.

so yeah at one part of the scene before i oh so badassly stabbed tun sura IN THE BREASTS  Chest...i had to like be pushed down twice just to make it seem more real...my hand got scrapped :(
But yeah so anyway thats all for the drama audtitions and just gotta wait for the results. im SOSO NERVOUS *crosses fingers till they break and bleed*

Also..last night i was watching this vid..a gay dude name Dave..His youtube is called Davey Wavey Raw..and omygosh i like him so much he's so gay..and i mean that in like an awesome way. So it ISN'T a stereotype after all that gays DO understand girls more than they understand themselves. well..most of them anyways. I don't know bout the ones in Taiping.

So i saw one of his vids of him listing a few random facts of himself and seeing how bored i am NOW..soooooo

1. I'm below average breast size than i appear to be and don't know how to measure my bra size..sadly..
2. I'm a huge cereal fan..like i could eat nothing but cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner and not complain.
3. When i laugh really hard there's usually no sound..i cover my scrunched face and laugh inside till it literally hurts my stomach

ok so like i look like this just MINUS the testicals...armpit hair...short hair...zits..big nose..specs and caterpillar on the upper lip :)

4. I know a girl who's friends with a guy and his friend eats barbequed RATS/MICE. NOT A JOKE.i literally lost my appetite for recess after hearing that..

5. I'm a bad speller
6. Unlike most teenage girls..i actually am armpit hair free =D IN YO FACE REXONA
7. My fav dessert is anything chocolate. (don't be lame and ask..what about shit-.- really? really? cmon son..cmon-.-)
8. I have very low tolerance for heat
9. i rarely eat rice
10. I support gay marriages even if its considered a sin..im not sure if it is anyways. I support it cause..well..to me love has no barriers..why should you stop loving someone just cuz you both have vaginas/dicks.
11. I especially hate being treated as if i don't exist..who does right?
12. If you call me more than 5 times and i don't pick up..i'm either :
- sleeping
- i don't want to talk to you cuz you're an annoying douchebag
- i want my bubble space
- i got hurt

13. I don't have the conept of being the perfect anything cuz there's not such thing as the perfect anything. You either accept me for me or not. if you think i should change myself for myself you can just tell me..i'll deff try to be a better person but never a perfect person..i accept criticism very well..i don't like it but yeah i do accept it very open mindedly (=
UNLESS of course its stuff like...bitch you're ugly to me change it..then..yeah..you should deff make sure you live near a hospital honey.

14. donuts. mmmmm~
15. uhm...sex. I totally think you should wait till after marriage to do it..its not called making LOVE for no reason. Don't flaunt your V-card out like you're not worth shit girls.
16. I'm too open minded I'm not sure if its a good thing =/ being asian and all
17. i hate stereotypes
18. I'm actually quite fragile for those who don't know me
19. I reckon lots of people don't actually know me,even the ones who think they know me...i really don't think you do...like under this whole disguise where i sometimes sound like a tough bitch,im quite fragile inside. hard to believe yeh?
20. If i act like i don't give a shit..i GENUINELY...DO NOT..GIVE...A...SHIT

Can I not be a social retard AND get a scholarship please?

ok so for those of you who don't know whut cbf is. It means can't be fucked as in can't be bothered.
Lately i've beeen soooooooooooo LAZY. i blame the fact that i have to wake up at 5/530am and come back from school @ 330-4pm. WHAT IS THIS!
I'm pretty much dead when i come back home. Form 4's actually not so bad but mygosh the planning and all is killing me. I HATE YOU!

530am-4pm : school..urgh..can't wait to be free from all this homework,uniforms and hearing either Justin Bieber's 'pray' or some islam song that goes Ya Allah like 10 times over the speakers.

4-12pm : seems like i have so much time on my hands don't I? actually i sort of do that's if you count the minutes where i waste my time on facebook not doing my homework (hmm..we need to do something bout that now don't we) but ahh..don't forget that i wake up at 5am..so i have to like sleep early. But then there's YOU...not saying you're a burden..GOD NO..but really..trying to juggle studying + projects + homework + training sessions + you..it's pretty hard.

Not that you're a heavy load..more like..a good and bad distraction i guess?
Eitherway i have to get my time managed right now..tell yourself maegan..its all for the scholarship..a little sacrifice never hurt anyone right?
SO yeah..if i have to spend less time talking to you (i hope you'd understand and not feel bored and go find some other peice of ass) so i can focus on getting my Godwilling Commonwealth/ASEAN scholarship..I'm sorry hun but you gotta deal with it..at least try for 2 years. my gawd that's long. o.O

Happy 54th Birthday Mother

just a quickie before i head off to be a pig in bed. Tomorrow's my mum's 54th bday..yes she's old, she's menopausal, very irritating at times but not lately. And not bragging but for a 54 year old I'm proud to say my mother's hot.
A. she wears a thong (i find this disgusting though)
B. i doubt their sagging
C. She's thinner than me *uber dislike*
D. yeah pretty much it

So anyway mother..Happy 54th Birthday have a safe trip to KL and please take care when you're there.
Love you always.

Not Again??

I have such an annoying habit of changing things when i get bored of them. Don't you just hate it how humans I can be so seemingly materialistic? I do. But would blogs be considered materials? Hence the word seemingly. This is like my 3rd or 4th blog in the past 2 years i think. Familiarity just never seems to settle for good. I figured since school's started so i guess i need something for me to rant on or just waste time on when i have my can't-be-fucked-to-do-anything moments.

So I'm feeling massively bored and random right now so I'm gonna blurt out the few things i hate bout society and yours truely.


DISLIKES 
* About Me
1. How cold I can be. I have the tendency to push people away from me when i'm hurt/being hurt by a certain person. And it's hard for me to warm up to them after. Like really really really really hard.
2. My fat ass ego a.k.a stubbornness.
3. The fact that i grow horizontally faster than vertically
4. The inability to have a fast metabolism
5. My mouth when it constantly swears when I'm angry (rarely)
6. Lazyness.
7. The fact that i give into second thoughts. Its annoying and hurtful but somehow i do that.
8. I come off as fierce and sometimes arrogant since i don't really smile in school. I HAVE A FATASS EGO
9. My below average breasts size
10. The fact that i can be a real bitch when i'm ticked off

*Society
1. judgementalness.
2. stereotypes
3. fakers
4. People who assume
5. Lame people. i don't really know how to define this but yeah you should know you're lame when you are.
6. People who overreact to the smallest things
7. proud cunts
8. people who don't value individuality
9. racists & sexists
10. people who smell bad..hello..who doesn't.
11. People who don't get the shut the fuck up concept
12. Lalas?
13. players who are nothing but all talk with small dick to act on it
14. People who give themselves too little credit for what they really are
15. People who give themselves too much credit for themselves than they really should. stfu?
16. Girls who are all up in themselves. Bitches


I'm just too bored. so I'm gonna blab bout the things that i can't live without
1. God. I have nothing without Him
2. Family (duhh)
3. Nick. soulmate? i really don't have an answer for that. I just know that i can't imagine life without him being mine after knowing someone like him exists. Sure things are shaky sometimes, it being long distance and all and me with my insane trust issues. But he's something someone i can't imagine loosing.
4. Friends (obviously)

xoXoxOxo