I hate mondays

There should be a song bout hating Monday.

hmm..on second thought
if a tween is gonna auto tune her/himself to sing this song like Rebecca Black
forget it

Monday's are bad enough

Anywhoooo

My exams are on the 18th of May..and this month we have hell lots of replacement classes so there goes my Saturdays. And we have Pesta Ria on the 30th of April.

But honestly its not really something to look forward to because its the same thing every year and we do more cleaning than actually having fun.

Our school should have like those carnival things. at least something different.

You know..where we get to splash soapy sponges at teachers. AWESOMENESS.

i'd be the first to do it at my Counselling teacher. >=)
RELEASE THE FUCKING FURY >=)

anyways gtg. 8 essays to write and i haven't even started. 

Happy 55th Birthday Daddy

It's that time of year again. It's your birthday.

Yes, another year has passed by that quickly
you're getting old
we're growing up

things have changed...we are no longer that little 2ft tall babies in diapers crying for our daddy's hug every two hours anymore

And you've changed too
liver spots..white hair..more wrinkles

You're growing older
and sooner or later i'll have to say goodbye to you when i leave for college

Remember when i was younger..you would always ask me

'Mae..who's your best friend?'

and i would answer...

' You daddy (even when i had a best friend in school..they could never compare to my dad) '

and then you would cheekily ask me again...

' Sure or not..love papa or not?'

and i would say...

'of course'

Also...i remember when every night you would come and tuck me in and when i couldn't sleep you would 'tap tap' my back and sing me to sleep

NOW...

things have changed..you no longer ask me that question anymore,you would sleep earlier than me and i haven't heard that song in years..frankly i miss it a lot.

you're busy all the time with work

I'm busy all the time with studies and other stuff

We rarely see each other

and after the next 1 and 3/4 years..we wouldn't be seeing each other in months

although i dreadfully want to go to college as soon as possible

and continuously say that i can't wait to leave Taiping

sometimes i have second thoughts. Sometimes.

But anyway...

This is suppose to be a happy day (:

Its your day

No matter how old I've grown or how far i am from home

I'd always be that 5 year old kid who replies 'Daddy you're my best friend' on the inside.

I love you Dad

Stay healthy and God bless.

I won't go whistling by your grave

13th August,Friday 2011..the day where for the first time i felt my whole world literally fell apart..

note : kids this is not a pg18 blog..nobody died..so yeah..you're permitted to read this^^ BUT..just to let you know..this is pretty corny..so read at your own risk :)

*back to theatrical mode*

The night where i thought i would never love another the same way again, the night where i literally stared at a text for 10-15minutes,the night where i spent 9-10 hours not eating,drinking or peeing but crying from 8.15pm(i have a very photographic memory for bad and happy memories..why can't i apply that in maths and econs-.-) until 12.30pm(the next day). the night i was dumped.

I spent the next 1 or 2 months totally stoned from reality..i could not face the fact that i put up 1 year and 8 months despite all the pain and believed promises to be dumped on my ass on one fateful night. I knew inside that i would eventually get over this and sooner or later everything restores back in order..but i didn't know when was 'eventually' or 'sooner or later'. I was convinced that i would never be genuinely happy after August 13th.

But God has been tremendously gracious and philanthropic towards me..i prayed everyday that i would somehow be saved from this dark hole i've been disposed into. It wasn't until fateful October 19th where God sent me an angel. And i'm not just saying that to make my story here sound good..He literally blessed me with a beautiful creation of His. Nick.

After October 19th until now it has been a magical. I have the closest to perfect most loving boyfriend ever now. The downside is that he lives 291km away from me..but because of the distance we rely not on touch but on communication and trust. Because of the distance we learn not to take each other for granted. Because of the distance we have yet to look forward to that oh so magical moment when we're together even if its just for one day in 6 months. Both in our respected homes with a shared vision of a future together. Both hoping and fighting for it together. And that has taught me a great deal to appreciate the little things in love and in life.

So what's all the above have to do with my post title? I may have slightly gone off topic.... O.O

Here I am sitting typing this out..sometimes i think about you whenever i see your status update so i click on your profile..i click on your picture and i stare at it. Not having second thoughts on my current relationship(never ever)..not having flashbacks on our sweet memories together..not wondering what you felt after you dumped me..not wondering whether i float through your mind or not and not hoping that one day you will realize your mistake of letting me go and coming back for me.

BUT...
merely...

wondering why did i do so many stupid yet shameful things when i was with you and after you dumped me..what possessed me to do so...what was i thinking...why was i so stupid..why didn't i stop myself...why didn't i listen to other people when they advised me...why did i had to find a way to justify allowing myself to do such stupid yet self hurting things...

wondering where did our love and our friendship go

and wondering how your voice sounded like ( Seriously..i forgot how he sounded like..wouldn't say its a bad thing though)

When you asked me did i hate you and i said no
i wasn't sure then..but i had to say no because i convinced myself that i don't hate people for silly little reasons
It took me a while to realize what you did to me wasn't just a silly little thing
but i'm not going to make it seem that you are the devil and that i'm perfect and innocent when i was with you
i admit i too had  my share of  prick-ness.
But now i can honestly say that i no longer hate you..i no longer want to make you to taste the same bitterness i tasted(karma will settle that for me)...

Despite what you did to me..and no matter how hard i tried to runaway from it..i could run to Russia but the feeling i felt on August 13th would never go away...all that pain,hurt,hate and frustration is dead and gone but the lesson under all those emotions stays with me

I have accepted the fact that you are a part of me..the part that made me stronger..not the part where completes me or gives me a reason for living...you're not that part anymore..you never were honestly...
What you did..made an impact on my life and i will carry that with me..no matter how far i go..the past is a part of me and the only reason i'm keeping it (but not dueling in it) is to remind me to never ever be the person i used to be.

So i no longer hate you..I thank you and i wish you well...I don't know how you feel towards me now..whether you still think of me or not..whether you hate me or not..i don't know..and frankly..i don't think i should bother of what you think of me...I'm glad we went our different ways..that was the best thing you ever gave me..

feeling like Rojak

mixed feelings right now..urrgh i hate this part

feeling Happy :)

ok this is my big brother Kent..this was when i was 6,he was 10. NOW he's grown to be much more handsome and has only one chin. But hey..chubby was cute..still is. Anyway he's back from college and yeah i admit..can't believe i'm saying this though..i'm actually happy he's back. CAN'T BELIEVE I'M SAYING THIS EITHER....i regret saying all those mean stuff bout my brother when we were younger..and like yeah i know that when he comes back..there are times..lots of times actually where our family would start like arguing and all..its complicated..and like yeah ok i'm prepared for that and i'd usually hate it when he's back but now it's like it's different..i guess i miss my big brother. heh..didn't think i'd be saying that either..especially not when i was 10 and wishing everyday he would be shipped to college faster. I think cuz we've grown up and become more matured in a sense where we know we're all we've got and friends,boyfriends,girlfriends,husbands,wives will never have that same bond we have. like..besides my dad..he's the only dude i've known the longest so that makes it special i guess. SERIOUSLY...no idea i would be saying this. lol. And like now i look forward to seeing my brother..which is..yeah i would say a good thing. 

p/s how adorable were we when we had babyfat ^^

feeling worried =/

so many things running through my mind right now. drama audition results..mid terms..college..fitness....

uhm ok i'm not so hooked on the drama results..maybe not yet..since i'm at home..im pretty sure i'd be a total psychopath in school. 

MID TERMS...my gosh..everytime when exams come up my mind immediately goes to college and scholarships..i hate how 'chiong hei' i can be sometimes..urghh...ok i think i'm just making up excuses..i really need to get my game face back on again and actually follow a time table. i sound like such a dork -.-

 fitness..ok...i want to like eat cheesecakes..oreos...nachos and all that non veggie stuff and actually not gain weight (: please tell me that's not impossible. i so don't have time to exercise like how i use to anymore..UBER DISLIKE. i wanna sweat again...need to get back my stamina before starting parkour..or else i'd just be digging my own grave. I can't die this young..i have yet to make use of my ovaries  i have so much more ahead of me! 

feeling like ROJAK.

Drama Auditions

ok so today we had the auditions..i've been looking forward to this since school restarted..and gawd...finally today was THE day. It was held during our last period..around 1.10pm till 230pm. We were given a script earlier and there was 2 scenarios..we had to act out either one.
Me and Megan(another megan, indian beb) acted out script one where it was about this dude being a real dick stealing the throne from the princess (MUAHH xD) He poisoned her father and took over the kingdom. so MUAH..the once not so innocent..apparently revengeful badass yet gedik in midieval times princess..stabs Tun Sura something2 as revenge for her father's death.

so yeah at one part of the scene before i oh so badassly stabbed tun sura IN THE BREASTS  Chest...i had to like be pushed down twice just to make it seem more real...my hand got scrapped :(
But yeah so anyway thats all for the drama audtitions and just gotta wait for the results. im SOSO NERVOUS *crosses fingers till they break and bleed*

Also..last night i was watching this vid..a gay dude name Dave..His youtube is called Davey Wavey Raw..and omygosh i like him so much he's so gay..and i mean that in like an awesome way. So it ISN'T a stereotype after all that gays DO understand girls more than they understand themselves. well..most of them anyways. I don't know bout the ones in Taiping.

So i saw one of his vids of him listing a few random facts of himself and seeing how bored i am NOW..soooooo

1. I'm below average breast size than i appear to be and don't know how to measure my bra size..sadly..
2. I'm a huge cereal fan..like i could eat nothing but cereal for breakfast lunch and dinner and not complain.
3. When i laugh really hard there's usually no sound..i cover my scrunched face and laugh inside till it literally hurts my stomach

ok so like i look like this just MINUS the testicals...armpit hair...short hair...zits..big nose..specs and caterpillar on the upper lip :)

4. I know a girl who's friends with a guy and his friend eats barbequed RATS/MICE. NOT A JOKE.i literally lost my appetite for recess after hearing that..

5. I'm a bad speller
6. Unlike most teenage girls..i actually am armpit hair free =D IN YO FACE REXONA
7. My fav dessert is anything chocolate. (don't be lame and ask..what about shit-.- really? really? cmon son..cmon-.-)
8. I have very low tolerance for heat
9. i rarely eat rice
10. I support gay marriages even if its considered a sin..im not sure if it is anyways. I support it cause..well..to me love has no barriers..why should you stop loving someone just cuz you both have vaginas/dicks.
11. I especially hate being treated as if i don't exist..who does right?
12. If you call me more than 5 times and i don't pick up..i'm either :
- sleeping
- i don't want to talk to you cuz you're an annoying douchebag
- i want my bubble space
- i got hurt

13. I don't have the conept of being the perfect anything cuz there's not such thing as the perfect anything. You either accept me for me or not. if you think i should change myself for myself you can just tell me..i'll deff try to be a better person but never a perfect person..i accept criticism very well..i don't like it but yeah i do accept it very open mindedly (=
UNLESS of course its stuff like...bitch you're ugly to me change it..then..yeah..you should deff make sure you live near a hospital honey.

14. donuts. mmmmm~
15. uhm...sex. I totally think you should wait till after marriage to do it..its not called making LOVE for no reason. Don't flaunt your V-card out like you're not worth shit girls.
16. I'm too open minded I'm not sure if its a good thing =/ being asian and all
17. i hate stereotypes
18. I'm actually quite fragile for those who don't know me
19. I reckon lots of people don't actually know me,even the ones who think they know me...i really don't think you do...like under this whole disguise where i sometimes sound like a tough bitch,im quite fragile inside. hard to believe yeh?
20. If i act like i don't give a shit..i GENUINELY...DO NOT..GIVE...A...SHIT

Can I not be a social retard AND get a scholarship please?

ok so for those of you who don't know whut cbf is. It means can't be fucked as in can't be bothered.
Lately i've beeen soooooooooooo LAZY. i blame the fact that i have to wake up at 5/530am and come back from school @ 330-4pm. WHAT IS THIS!
I'm pretty much dead when i come back home. Form 4's actually not so bad but mygosh the planning and all is killing me. I HATE YOU!

530am-4pm : school..urgh..can't wait to be free from all this homework,uniforms and hearing either Justin Bieber's 'pray' or some islam song that goes Ya Allah like 10 times over the speakers.

4-12pm : seems like i have so much time on my hands don't I? actually i sort of do that's if you count the minutes where i waste my time on facebook not doing my homework (hmm..we need to do something bout that now don't we) but ahh..don't forget that i wake up at 5am..so i have to like sleep early. But then there's YOU...not saying you're a burden..GOD NO..but really..trying to juggle studying + projects + homework + training sessions + you..it's pretty hard.

Not that you're a heavy load..more like..a good and bad distraction i guess?
Eitherway i have to get my time managed right now..tell yourself maegan..its all for the scholarship..a little sacrifice never hurt anyone right?
SO yeah..if i have to spend less time talking to you (i hope you'd understand and not feel bored and go find some other peice of ass) so i can focus on getting my Godwilling Commonwealth/ASEAN scholarship..I'm sorry hun but you gotta deal with it..at least try for 2 years. my gawd that's long. o.O

Happy 54th Birthday Mother

just a quickie before i head off to be a pig in bed. Tomorrow's my mum's 54th bday..yes she's old, she's menopausal, very irritating at times but not lately. And not bragging but for a 54 year old I'm proud to say my mother's hot.
A. she wears a thong (i find this disgusting though)
B. i doubt their sagging
C. She's thinner than me *uber dislike*
D. yeah pretty much it

So anyway mother..Happy 54th Birthday have a safe trip to KL and please take care when you're there.
Love you always.